It Doesn't Have To Be Lonely At The Top
by Dorene Lehavi, Ph.D.

The Wall Street Journal (Sept. 5, 2007), reported that any even minor or temporary events in the life of a CEO, whether it is taking a vacation, naming the family yacht, or major ones such as divorce or death of a family member would be reflected in the company's stock price. The mandate to CEO's and other high level executives goes well beyond running a profitable business. Running a business that is responsible to consumers, shareholders, employees, vendors, family members and the world in which it lives is a pretty big order. It requires courage, competence, and communication skills. Hopefully moral character, humility, emotional maturity and vision are part of the package as well. All of these could be enough to keep any executive awake at night.

The result can be a veneer that masks a regular, vulnerable human being who has a practiced facade to the outside world; a facade that says, I know everything and I am always right. A person living in this mode is quite possibly out of sync with his own values, priorities and life goals. This way of being can be the cause of health problems, strained family relationships and the inability of the executive to feel authentic. It often leads to high levels of stress, varying degrees of depression and at least a lack of fulfillment and purpose.

Such an attitude and facade cannot be turned on and off at will. The behavior that accompanies it is pervasive throughout the person's whole life, not just at work. A client who was a Senior Partner in a large law firm admitted that he had difficulty even letting his wife chose the movie they would see.

Actors can attest to this. Forrest Whitaker whose portrayal of Idi Amin won him an Oscar, and Ray Fiennes, who played a Nazi in Schindler's List each claimed that immersing themselves in the role made them behave mean and ill-tempered in other areas of their lives as well. They expressed relief when the movie was completed so they could return to being themselves. In a similar sense, CEO's and other executives often take on a role at work, which may or may not match up with their personal values, personality and character.

Twenty five CEO's and other top level executives chosen randomly were interviewed for this article. They represented a variety of industries including contractors, investment firms, biotech, landscaping and many others. This informal study addressed male executives only, as the complexities of each gender are best addressed separately.

The executives were asked an open-ended question regarding their opinion of and experience with coaching. All but two had experienced coaching and all for the most part felt positive about it. The coaching they referred to was a variation of business coaching, whether with peers, executive teams only or within separate departments. The greatest challenge noted by most was retention of the best employees.

Mike Ghilotti, President of Ghilotti Bros. Inc. noted that today's workforce is complex. Workers are smart in the technological sense. They want recognition, to be asked for their opinion and to have confirmation that it is valued. John Harris, Vice President and General Manager of DMS Facility Services actually invites his workforce to "shoot a hole in his decisions". In fact, all of the executives interviewed noted that retention is enhanced when executives take sincere interest in the individual employee. It is essential that an executive read and relate to not only the business and technical landscape, but the human side as well.

One day that I happened to be at a firm that .I was coaching the employees burst into applause for the CEO It was his birthday. The overall perception, especially by him was that there was a lot of regard for everyone and that they were a family. The executive team members were included in this picture, whom the CEO preferred to call his partners. Yet when I interviewed each of them in private, they were willing to share with me how much they often felt discounted by an unwitting CEO. He was totally unaware of their true feelings which were hidden behind the applause. Of course this issue was dealt with successfully through coaching.

In the informal study done for this article, almost none of the executives interviewed used a coach to delve into self discovery, their personal aspirations, the balance between work and personal life, life purpose or insecurities about decisions they are required to make about their business. Some went so far as to mention that they would never expose their self-doubts or perceived flaws in front of others. In fact, high level executives get less feedback about their performance than anyone else. Yet personal coaching can support exponential growth in the executive. In learning the communication skills needed in today's workforce, an executive also learns about his own style, personality, and how others view him. He can then, with a trusted coach, to whom he can safely reveal his self doubts and personal issues, set out to make the changes he wants to make.

Increasing numbers of CEO’s and other high level executives in some of the most well known corporations in America are engaging personal coaches, including Donald Trump and Jack Welch of GE. Yet others still mistakenly view that having a coach means there is something wrong with them. Nothing could be further from the truth. Coaching is not meant to heal past wounds or deal with diagnoses of mental states. Coaching is for success driven people on a personal growth track who have many strengths and have the desire to take themselves to the next level and beyond.

A coach asks questions that elicit new insights. A coach helps to create new strategies and a system of accountability to stay on the track. Unfortunately, executives are short changing themselves by not realizing the totality of what the addition of personal coaching offers. To use coaching solely for business bottom line issues is cheating themselves and leaving pieces of the puzzle on the floor. Partnering with a coach means having an ally, a cheerleader, a believer in you, someone who keeps the executive authentically himself and from being lonely at the top.


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